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10 Questions to Ask in a Relationship

Ashlea MassieRelationships

If you’re a Christian in a relationship with the intended goal being marriage, it’s extremely important to ask the deep questions, not just the surface level ones like, “What’s your favorite color?” I mean the ones that can impact a marriage for life. Maybe you’ve found yourself in a relationship and you think you’ve asked him/her everything that’s important, but just in case, here’s a checklist of questions you should ask and need to ask. Some of the questions are questions that are not meant to be asked immediately, rather gradually, but of course, never late enough where you’re already deeply committed to this person. If their responses aren’t favorable, then you’re going to have a difficult time extricating yourself from the relationship because of your attachment and misconceived notions that “It’s okay. It will all work out in the end.”

1.) How would you describe your salvation experience? - This question is the most important, as it gives you an idea about their conversion. Did someone force them to say a prayer, and they said it just because? Did they do it because everyone else was doing it at the time?

2.) Do you read the Bible and pray on a daily basis? - This question gives you an idea on the spiritual status of this person’s life. Are they Christian only in name?

3.) What denomination would you say you adhere to the most? - This question gives a gauge on how like-minded you are.

4.) Have you ever been in jail/prison or have a criminal history? If so, what for? When was the last time you were in jail/prison? Is this still an issue?- You might have found yourself with someone who became a Christian later on in life, and knowing their past is very important. It may not define them as Christians, but the past can impact the future, and you will want to proceed very carefully with issues such as this one. You want to be sure your significant other has the help/accountability he or she needs to ensure this is never a problem again.

5.) Have you ever been addicted to anything? If so, what? Is this still an issue? - This question covers drugs, alcohol, and other pertinent issues that need to be known.

6.) Have you maintained sexual purity? If not, when was the last time you had sex? - The last question is to figure out if the person still has a problem with fornication.

7.) Do you have STI’s? -If you’re going to eventually marry someone, it’s important to know this one.

8.) Have you ever purposefully looked at porn before? If so, is this still a problem? If it’s not a problem, when was the last time you looked at porn? - If your significant other currently has a problem with porn, that’s a good way to realize you need to end the relationship.

9.) Have you ever purposefully looked at child porn? If so, is this still a problem? - Child porn and adult porn are quite different, and this question can gauge whether your significant other has a problem with pedophilia. Are you going to be able to trust them around children?

10.) Are you in debt? If so, how much and what is your goal to get out of debt?- This gives you an idea if you will be struggling in a marriage because the other person is unwise with their money.

These are tough and sometimes awkward questions, but they must be asked. Some of the responses to these will be “deal breakers” and others will elicit a response from you that provides the ability to guide them to someone who can help them work it out, such as the road to being debt-free. Of course show grace at all times when speaking with your significant other on issues such as these. Don’t harbor a judgmental attitude towards him or her. Be kind and gracious in your responses, even if you have to end the relationship.

You might be thinking, “Well, they’re saved now and that’s all in the past, so it’s all okay.” And yes, we have to show grace to those who have been redeemed from those things, but some of the issues discussed above can be lifelong struggles. Marriage is for life. If you decide to marry someone who struggled with some of those issues and they relapsed, things will be extremely difficult. What if they decide that divorcing is okay or that they know you’ll never divorce so they’ll continue living on in the past sins they committed? It’s very important to think and pray about these things, talking with your parents and pastor, instead of just “jumping into it.” Marriage is serious business and should not be taken lightly.

Those are just a few important questions to ask. I’ll be back with more questions for next time. Perhaps you have some you think need to be added to my list. Let me know in the comments below!

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